Camp California
by Idy Adler
Summary: Sacramento skies are acting up, and a blizzard makes road travel impossible. Jane and Lisbon find themselves stuck inside the CBI building with Albert the janitor and Barry from Organized Crimes.


I'm juggling three stories at a time! Usually I wouldn't do this, but this idea came to me one night as I was eating cereal. Hahaha. And I couldn't just leave it sitting there.

**Summary: **Sacramento skies are acting up, and a blizzard makes road travel impossible. Jane and Lisbon find themselves stuck inside the CBI building with Old Albert the janitor and Barry from Organized Crimes.

Cliche stuck-in-a-space setting, but I just have so many ideas for the shenanigans that ensue.

There might be Jisbon. ;D

**Disclaimer: I (obviously) do not own the Mentalist. Or Jane. Or Lisbon. But I guess I own Albert and Barry. (: **

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* * *

chapter one**

It was cold out.  
Which wasn't very odd, especially when you added in the fact that it was December.  
But this was California, and temperatures in California weren't supposed to drop below freezing. California was the sunny state. With the beaches. And the movie stars. And the palm trees. And the non-snowy weather.  
The words California and cold were like oil and water.  
Icy weather was meant for other states, like Washington, or Wisconsin, or Colorado. Don't forget Alaska.  
Lots of places were destined for freezing temperatures. The Golden State wasn't one of them.

Despite that supreme law of weather, it was December 17th, 2010 in Sacramento, California. And the weather outside was cold as hell.

There was a thin blanket of snow coating the ground as everyone woke up that morning. Some schools closed for the day, and children all over let out a sigh of relief. Quickly followed by giggles of joy, and plans for snowball fights. Weather channels all over were talking about the strange change in temperature. Many people seized the chance and took the day off from work.

If you worked at the California Bureau of Investigation, however, you were not one of those people.

Teresa Lisbon rushed into the Serious Crimes bullpen at exactly 8:31am. Her cheeks were flushed pink from the cold, and her hair was a mess.  
Kimball Cho, Wayne Rigsby, and Grace Van Pelt were all at their desks. It was one of those dull, action-less paperwork days. But they all had to come in anyway, just in case somebody out there decided the snow would make it a perfect day to murder someone.  
"Morning everybody," Lisbon greeted as she headed towards her office. Everybody returned the greeting nonchalantly.

The old leather couch that sat on one end of the bullpen was noticeably empty. Its usual occupant, Patrick Jane, was nowhere to be seen. Lisbon mentally crossed her fingers hoping the consultant had decided to take the day off. Jane was a huge pain in the ass, especially when he got bored. And paperwork days always induced Jane boredom.  
Ironically, Lisbon always had a skyscraper of paperwork on her desk /because/ of Jane. Not everybody appreciated his unorthodox methods of catching killers. The unit got loads of complaints and lawsuits that involved the blonde man.

"Jane's in your office," Van Pelt said suddenly, not taking her eyes off the computer screen.  
Lisbon's hopes were shattered as she heard those four words. Great, she thought to herself. Even snow can't get him away from me.  
She prepared herself for a day of dull paperwork and annoying Jane as she turned the door handle and entered her office.

Sure enough, there was a Patrick Jane in her office, complete with a vest and a mop of curly hair. He lay stretched out on the dark blue sofa, looking extremely comfortable.  
Jane's eyes fluttered open as Lisbon entered the room. "Lisbon!" he piped in a tone that was too cheerful for her. A wide smile spread across his face. "Good morning."  
Lisbon took off her jacket and hung it on the back of her chair. "Morning, Jane," she muttered.  
"Aw, somebody's cranky today. Have you had your daily ocean of caffeine?" The smile had not faded one bit.  
"Shut up," Lisbon replied. "Why are you even here? There's no case."  
Jane stretched his arms. "I have nothing to do at home. Being here with you people is more fun. There's no one to talk to at home."  
"You should get a puppy."  
"Oh don't be silly, Lisbon. Puppies can't talk." Jane's eyes were closed again.  
"Get a damn parrot, then," Lisbon snipped.

-xxx-

**lisbon**

To my surprise, the day went by smoothly. Jane was pretty tame the whole ten hours, I only had to threaten him four or five times. I think that's a new record.

The snow outside was getting thicker and thicker. What was wrong with California today? It was California, for heaven's sake. Six inches of snow certainly did not belong in California.

I let the team leave early because of the nasty weather. "See you on Monday," I told them. It was a Friday, and we had no case. So there was no reason to come in over the weekend.  
They all clocked out at 6:23pm.

I decided to stay late, because I still had a sea of paperwork to tackle. The man who caused all that paperwork insisted on staying late, too, claiming I "needed company." Psh.

"Lisbon, when was the last time it snowed this much in Sacramento?" Jane asked.

"Around the time you weren't such a pain in the ass." I replied.

He smiled brightly at my comeback and went to stand in front of the window.  
"The snow is quite lovely, isn't it? All pure white and sparkly like that. The way it floats in the wind, the way it just piles gracefully onto the ground. It's very beautiful. Don't you agree, Lisbon?"

"I hate snow."

It was true. Snow irritated me almost as much as Jane did. Why do you think I live in California? _No snow._

Jane chuckled his annoying little chuckle. "Lisbon, Lisbon, Lisbon. Have you ever even played in the snow? Growing up in California I don't think you have."  
In fact, I hadn't. I'd seen snow a couple of times as a kid, but it had never been thick enough to actually play in. My little brothers had mud fights instead of snowball fights.  
I didn't say anything, though. I didn't want to encourage Jane.

I just kept sitting at my desk, working on my paperwork. And he just kept standing there, hypnotized by those stupid snowflakes.  
A couple of minutes passed by.

And then Jane opened his mouth again. "Lisbon! I just had the most wonderful idea!"  
I looked up from my papers. "What is it this time, Jane?"  
"We should get all nice and bundled up, and go outside, and build a _snowman!_ We could name it Minelli. What do you think?"  
He seemed so optimistic that he could've been mistaken for Spongebob.

"No." I gave him my best scowly face.  
"Aw, why not?"  
"I don't like snow, I don't like snowmen."  
"Party pooper."  
"Besides, I have to finish all this paperwork."  
"What is it with that, anyway? Who even gives you all that paperwork? They sure like to kill trees. We should go charge them with murder."  
Jane plopped down onto the chair in front of my desk, facing me.  
"Jane, you do know that the reason why I even _have _this tower of paperwork to fill out is because of you, right?"  
He put his feet up on my desk.  
"Yes. But I also know that you'd rather have a bunch of silly papers to fill out than do your job without me around."  
"Oh, hush, you." I pushed his feet off.  
"You know you love me."  
"Ha, I also know the cure for cancer."

-xxx-

There were a few more hours of paperwork and irritating blonde consultant. He babbled on about everything, from avocado soup to robot cows to deadly unicorns.  
At 8:36pm, Jane got up to go make some hot chocolate. "Maybe it'll make you loosen up a bit," he explained as he left. I threw a pencil at him.

The stack of papers on my desk was nearly defeated. Just a couple more to go. Usually I would have been done an hour or so ago, but talking to Jane made me less efficient.  
On the other hand, Jane made the task less agonizing.  
I had actually enjoyed his company, though I'd refuse to admit that to any living creature. Hell, if I had a gun pointed at my head, I'd still deny it.

Having Jane around was one of those things that were good and bad at the same time. Everything had its pros and cons, but the pros and cons of Jane's prescence were all mushed tightly together. Like mashed potatoes.

Jane re-entered my office carrying two black mugs. There was a small wisp of steam rising above each one. The smell of chocolate was mesmerizing.  
Jane's face, however, stole my attention from the aroma.  
He seemed kind of.. nervous? Oh God, Patrick Jane never got nervous.

"Everything okay?" I asked as he set the mugs down on my desk.  
"Um, I think we have a problem, Lisbon."  
"What?"  
"Look." He pointed at the window.  
I got up and peered through the cold glass.

I couldn't see anything. Not even the streetlights from the road below. Everything was white. Everything was completely blocked out by snow.  
"Oh hell," I thought out loud.

"Radio says its a record-breaking blizzard," Jane informed me. "All roads are blocked until morning."

Oh. Hell.

* * *

'_the weather outside was cold as hell._'  
ahaha, 'cold as hell' is a commonly used phrase. But every time I hear someone use it, I think to myself, "Hey, I thought hell was supposed to be a burning pit of flames or something."  
Just a random note.

So, what do you think? Reviews, please. xxx


End file.
